Is this typical ADHD; is it just me or does every body get sucked down into a place where we are frozen, unable to live our normal lives?
I'm sure that everybody in the universe has bad times. I know for a fact that people with any form of clinical depression suffer badly. That's the nature of depression.
What about the rest of us. I've been told that a very high percentage of ADHDers battle with depression, but I suspect that I'm blessed to be without that curse. However, I'm very close to someone who is. Depression and ADHD and I can see what effect it has on an individual. So why was I so down and dark?
I suppose there were reasons or causes. A very close family member deeply affected, in fact hospitalised, an absent wife, and then while she was away her mother died, so it was a pretty hectic couple of weeks. Surely I should have been able to keep going and stay on an even keel? Well I guess I did. Everyone got fed. The household functioned smoothly. The usual admin surrounding a death was all sorted out quietly and smoothly, but inside me there was nothing. Just a deep dark place where there was no spark of light.
The interesting thing is, I can usually write up a storm. Even my notes to Pat are long winded and verbose, but for the week before this all started I had gone quiet, unable to write. It got steadily worse and I didn't even have the fortitude to have a go at myself, let alone laugh at myself. I was indeed, in the truest sense, pathetic. I was nowhere, and I can take no credit for pulling myself together, it all just came back slowly as circumstances improved, until suddenly I looked up and the lights were on.
Is this the normal course for people without clinical depression just getting the blues? I really was deep and dark and I judge its severity by the alacrity with which I am blocking the memory of the darkness. Even as I benefit from the cathartic effect of writing about this whole episode, I forget the depths of unhappiness and despair that I was wallowing in. Even as I write the tone changes so that I begin to laugh at myself, being able to call myself really pathetic, a man lacking substance, not able to shoulder the burden... Hey, hold on, isn't this typical ADHD behaviour? Knocking myself like that?
We all go through time like this and I'm sure there are hundreds of people out there who have ups and downs all the time, that's life isn't it? Well this was a bad one for me and I give thanks that we are all through it and out the other side, ready for the next, because as sure as the sun rises, there will be, in fact I'm sure it's just around the corner!
Remember, when the blues come knocking on your door, go exercise! That's the one thing I had to do, but it certainly helped keep me going forward.