- Written by Pat Pughe-Parry Pat Pughe-Parry
Some Hard Truths
Writing this series of My ADHD Coaching Journey blogposts is giving me a much needed kick in the rear end.
I have dug out my old ADHD Coaching notes and re-looked at the goals I set for myself in 2006 and started to do an audit of of where I am now in April 2015. I also came across a Personal Profile Analsysis (PPA) done in 1998 when I was the Financial Director of our family owned business. This report played a significant role in my decision to start a new life as a single woman after 25 years marriage.
Yes, I have made massive changes but I have also slipped back into old habits and some behaviour that I have yet to master for the first time.
The key theme in the PPA was, and largely still is, my inability to deal with conflict, to be assertive and to set tough goals for myself. To avoid conflict I became a follower. Drifting along fitting in with others and following their dreams instead of creating my own.
Yes I was (and am) interested in everything but my passion has been limited to mastering the skills and moving on preferably on the coat tails of someone else.
Too scared to stand up and say this is me and this is what I want. Too scared to offend others. But I also realised I am afraid of success.
As with all change, mine has happened in fits and starts. I know that overall I have made great progress but it is time for me to take another leap forward.
Most of working career had been finance and admin work. Always a support role to someone else. It was part of my need to be in control. I needed to know that there was enough money to pay the bills and get my children fed, educated and clothed.
Yet, admin and finance are not ideal careers for someone with ADHD. We hate routine, our filing systems are "interesting" and managing money is always stressful for us. Unless of course we become Obsessive Compulsive (OCD) which I did.
It was therefore a huge undertaking for me to decide who I really was, what I wanted to do and how I wanted to get there. I needed to learn to think, to make decisions and set goals. A scary prospect.
Also, what do you learn first?
How can you set a GOAL if you don't know how to THINK? You can't finalise a goal until you have learned to make a RIGHT decision and differentiate between WRONG, GOOD and RIGHT DECISIONS. Not to mention learning how to deal with the conflict that is sure to arise and how to manage my EXPECTATIONS of myself and others.
The Coaching Programme was starting to get tough.
Because I was so confused I decided to do what many might think was crazy. I sent an e-mail to trusted family, friends and former colleagues I asked them for a SWOT (Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats) analysis and asked them to be brutally honest. I also gave them the 4 choices I was considering for my future and asked for their opinion:
- Continue with my Tourist Guiding Business
- Get a fulltime job
- Get a part-time job and get involved in Living ADDventure® ADHD Business with Dave.
- Go fulltime with Living ADDventure® and start to develop my newly found desire to write.
Being sensible most of them came back and said get a fulltime job or at least a part-time job. This put me in a real quandary. I knew in my heart I could not go back to office work. It would kill me. I was on my own.
I also heard some good things about myself and a couple of not so nice truths I needed to face up to.
It was time to get mind-mapping, a skill that I now use almost daily. In my next post I will share how I learned to used different thinking styles, make some decisions and set some initial goals.
Living ADDventure® offers ADHD Coaching via Skype or Face to Face if you are near our office in Kwa Zulu Natal. Complete this form to book to find out more. (It will open in a new window)
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