Written by Dave Pughe-Parry Dave Pughe-Parry
Last Updated: 21 December 2016 21 December 2016

young coupleQuestion: My daughter is dating a young guy who I suspect is also ADHD... they are both weird!!!! You know what I mean.

This is a question from the mother an ADHD client I coached years ago. She asks a good question, a question that is not asked enough, never mind answered.

Just like ADHD, the answer is complex with many ""ifs and buts."" I hope my answer makes sense to you. If not, please let me know and I will try again.

Believe it or not he is actually younger than her but they are so very similar it is actually scary. Is it okay in the long term to date and marry if you both have ADHD / ADD? I know you are going to laugh at this cause you and Pat are ADHD.

Answer: I had a good chuckle when I read this question? The as I began to think about the answer, I realised that there is no single answer. The many variables will make any answer I give, both wrong and right - you see it depends!

couple inLets look at some of the negative and inhibiting factors for a relationship where ADHD / ADD is present in either one partner or both:

 Now that we have got some of the negatives out of the way, lets look at some of the positive factors for a marraige or long term relationship.

 Acceptance of ADHD. This is especially true when there are two ADDers in the relationship. With Pat and I, and many of our clients we have coached, it's not important to delve into the ""whys and wherefores"" of an ADHD mood swing or outburst. As an ADDer we know that the other person doesn't know why, and that all they want to do is get out of that state.

motoThere are a few Precious Principles for any relationship.

And then finally, there is that ""mysterious feeling"" called love. For two people to live together for the rest of their lives, raise a family, and leave a legacy there must be love. Love has many different meanings. All the positive aspects mentioned above are different meanings of love.

You see, love is verb. Love is something you do. Love is something you do to others and to yourself.

So in summary, if two ADDers hve been coached and do most of the positive listed above, and only a few of the negatives, they marriage will probably will be wonderful. If the opposite is true, the marriage is doomed from the outset.

It takes a very special non-ADHD person to live happily and successfully with an untreated ADDer. These people are few and far between.

So you see, as in just about all aspects and affairs of the heart, it depends!

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